Breaking The Sinner (The Breaking Series Book 4) Page 19

  “Yeah, I figured that.”

  “What do you think about it?”

  He stared at the ceiling. He thought she had a point. But he didn’t know how to make her understand.

  “A guy like me…doesn’t have a lot of options.” It was the only thing that made sense to say. Because it was true, and because it was easier that way.

  “You have a great option at the gym,” she said, her voice diaphanous and distant. “So why would you run away from that?”

  This marked the umpteenth time she’d come back to this point. She wasn’t going to let it go. And maybe admitting this part about himself might help her get the picture. Part of it, at least.

  “The gym won’t ever keep me on as a trainer,” he said, his throat gravelly and dry, “because I won’t pass the trainer exam.”

  “But you haven’t even taken it.”

  He squeezed his eyes shut. “I don’t have the requirements to even take it.”

  She stayed quiet for a long time. “I don’t follow.”

  “I never graduated from high school. And I never went to college. So I’m disqualified, Gen. I can’t even fucking try.”

  Her chest rose and fell, eyelashes brushing the tops of her cheeks. If he didn’t know better, he’d think she was sleeping.

  “Can’t you go for one of those diploma programs?”

  “It’s been too long. I probably wouldn’t pass.”

  “You’re smarter than most high school graduates,” she countered. “You’re smarter than I am, and I even got my diploma through my homeschooling program. You’re smarter than most college kids.”

  “You’re just saying that because you like me,” he whispered into her ear.

  She grinned but didn’t open her eyes. “I do. I like you so much.”

  He rested his chin on her shoulder, watching her. He’d drawn her multiple times by now, but his fingers itched for another depiction. She was the best subject matter.

  “I like you too, Red.” Like seemed like a pitiful understatement. But he couldn’t go farther than that. “You’re gonna make some guy really happy someday.”

  A ridge formed in her brow. Her throat bobbed again, but she didn’t open her eyes.

  Her voice came out a hoarse whisper. “Why can’t that guy be you?”

  Here it was. The beating heart of the matter. This, he couldn’t admit to. It would send her running. Ruin the times they had shared. Make her see him as a freak. His past had solidified into an immutable version of himself. Like a statue. Memorializing his dark past: Cobra, the fucked-up guy with a murderer mother, orphaned and alone, uneducated and undeserving.

  Cobra flopped onto his back, studying the ceiling as if the words he should use might be written there. What else was there to say? “I don’t deserve you. Not even a little bit.”

  Her eyes snapped open, and she pushed herself up, searching his face. “I don’t get it. How can you not deserve me?”

  “You’re too good for me.” He held her gaze, even though it hurt. This was the truest damn thing he’d ever said. “You’re pure light, Gen. And I’m…” He shook his head. “I’m the shit that nightmares are made out of.”

  “You haven’t been a nightmare,” she murmured. “Not for a second. You’re like a dream.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “It’s true!” The ridge of her brows returned. “Meeting you has been a dream. More than a dream. A fantasy I never knew could become real.”

  A hundred ways to negate her words came to mind. But he kept his mouth shut. She’d only come back with more justification, and he didn’t want to hear that.

  “I know family is technically blood and all that,” she went on, “but…sometimes I think you and Sophie are as important to me as family.”

  His chest tightened, confirming the reality: she was far too deep. And maybe he was too. He should have bowed out of this weeks ago.

  “So what am I,” he croaked. “Your brother?”

  A dazzling smile spread across her face. The kind that made him want to throw everything else in his life away, just for a chance to be with her.

  “You can’t have sex with your brother,” he teased.

  “You’re like my…” She shook her head. “Never mind. But you’re still family.”

  “What am I?”

  A flush crept up her neck. “Nothing.”

  “Say it, Genny.”

  She rolled her lips inward. “For the sake of the metaphor…you’d be like my husband.”

  The word punctured him at the same time it soothed. He’d never be anyone’s husband. Yet… “Which means for the sake of the metaphor, we should be having sex by now.”

  A giggle rippled out of her. “Easy there, hubby.”

  The joking pet name didn’t bother him as much as he expected. But still, it pointed at the problem once more. He ran his knuckles along her jawline. Let the silence settle, thick and restorative, before he continued speaking.

  “I’m serious. You can’t be with someone like me.” These were the words he told himself every day. To remind himself. To make it true. “Even if you think I’m family.”

  Her eyes fluttered shut. “I don’t get it.”

  “You deserve someone so much better. Someone who went to school. Someone who wants kids. Someone who at least believes in God.”

  Her voice was so small he almost didn’t catch it. “But I want you.”

  He squeezed his eyes shut. So he didn’t have to see the hurt on her face. “Gen. I’m nobody. That’s what you don’t get.”

  When he opened his eyes again, she watched him as if he’d spoken in a foreign language.

  “Don’t talk to me like I don’t see the world around me. I might be sheltered, but I’m not an idiot.”

  “I didn’t say you were—”

  “I’m not blind. I see your greatness. I see your beauty. I see your goodness.”

  Cobra scoffed, ready to refute her, but she barreled on.

  “‘Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.’ That’s Romans 12:9. Cobra, you are good.”

  Her words hit him like a scalpel making an incision. Precise, painful, but with the promise of cutting out something tumorous.

  “That’s why I want to bring you home to meet my family for Thanksgiving.” She laced her fingers through his. “You look different than we do, but you have a purer heart than any of us.”

  He didn’t know which was heavier—her request or her belief in him. He rubbed at his forehead.

  “You’d really like it if I went?”

  She squeezed his hand. “It would make my year.”

  Inside, he wilted. When she put it like that, how could he say no? The simple fact that she believed in him—however wrong she was about him—made him feel guilty enough to agree.

  “Plus, it’s on my list,” she added.

  He heaved a sigh, searing her with a look. She batted her eyelashes, looking hopeful.

  “Okay.” There. He’d done it. He’d completely sold out. “I’ll go. For you.”

  Gen squealed with excitement. And though part of him was horrified he’d agreed, the other part would have done anything to inspire that look in her eyes as often as humanly possible.

  Chapter 31

  Gen awoke with a start, the blue-gray rays of early dawn filling her room. Still dressed. Cotton-mouthed. And…Cobra.

  Lying at her side.

  Her heart raced, though she didn’t know why. The bedside clock read 5:01 a.m. He spent the night. She rubbed at her eyes, suddenly itchy from the clothes. Itchy, and…something else. Desperate. Eager. Insatiable.

  She unbuttoned her shirt until it hung open and gently removed it. Then she unfastened her bra, tossing it to the ground. As Cobra breathed softly beside her, she wriggled out of her shorts, discarding them as well. Her heart hammered between her ears.

  This was new for her. And bold. But it felt too right.

  She hesitated, hands on her panties. There was no way Cobra
would object to waking up next to her, totally nude. He might even love it. And all she wanted to do, right now, on this bleary morning, was go all the way home.

  Something in the cresting day helped her find her own clarity. The nakedness of the morning, breeding her own nakedness. She pushed her panties down and over her ankles and then tossed them aside. Her fingers trembled as she adjusted herself next to Cobra.

  He had an arm extended above him as he slept on his side, ear to shoulder. She cozied up to him, nuzzling his neck, pressing a kiss to the heat there. He stirred but didn’t wake. She grabbed for one of his hands, bringing it to her naked breast. The scrape of his rough hand against her sensitive nipple made her inhale sharply.

  Cobra’s long eyelashes fluttered as he came to. His chocolate eyes were bleary at first, but his vision went sharp. And he didn’t say a word. He smoothed his hand over the roundness of her breast, up over her shoulder, cradling the side of her face. She leaned in, and they kissed. Hungrily. Like it wasn’t five a.m. Like they hadn’t been sleeping for hours.

  Cobra’s tongue pressed into her mouth, and that’s when the fireworks went off. He was in this. He knew exactly what she wanted.

  Cobra broke their kiss a moment later and sat up, his soft exhale the only sound as he tore his shirt off. He tossed it over her, and then unbuttoned his long black shorts. The room was bathed in silence, somehow accentuated by her concentration. Time seemed to slow to a crawl. Cobra dug for something in his pocket. Then he wriggled out of his shorts, and his boxers, the soft rumple of jeans against floor a melody that flowed through her.

  And then he slid on top of her. The chain of his necklace was warm, tickling her bare chest as he buried his face in the side of her neck. She traced the arcs and dips of his back, the sides of his body, the hills of his bicep. Using the dim, cobalt dawn as her guide, she traced the map of his body with her hands. Learning his muscles. Seeking his warmth.

  Cobra lowered his hips. His stiff cock brushed between her legs, a delicious jolt in the quiet morning. She slid her hands over the hard ridge of his shoulders, finding the warm plane of his back. He was solid above her. A rock. One that she loved to lean on.

  Cobra brought his lips to the shell of her ear, his hot breath sending a pulse through her. She was ready for this. Lord, she’d been ready since the moment she saw this man. Her legs splayed open, as if her body responded to a set of directions that defied reason or logic. This was ancient knowledge, here. A primal connection that she and Cobra tapped into.

  And she’d let it take her all the way this morning. Cobra’s chest brushed the tips of her nipples as he came in for another kiss. When he pulled away, she could see the question marks in his eyes. She ran her hands along the thick muscle of his neck, urging his face back toward hers.

  “Please,” she whispered. One simple word. The key to unlock it all.

  Cobra made a small noise as he pulled back from her. At first, she was confused, reaching for him like he was a blanket torn away, but then he reached for something on the bed. The condom wrapper. He tore it open with his teeth.

  She watched as he rolled the condom down over the stiff length of his cock. Her chest heaved as she watched his sacred movements. The ritual of it. The anticipation that dripped down between her legs. Once the condom wrapped all the way down his cock, he ran his thumb over the crease of her pussy. She jolted. A smile played at his lips.

  Cobra wriggled his hips between her legs, their breath syncing up. She gripped the sides of his rock-hard forearms as he positioned himself. The length of him found her slick crease, and then something much bigger than fingers nudged for entrance. She tightened her grip. That bulbous cockhead. Would it even fit? Cobra’s lips found her ear again. His breath relaxed her.

  “Tell me if it hurts,” he whispered. She nodded, wincing. Like waiting for the pain to arrive. Or the lightning bolts from Jesus, while a booming voice told her to stop what she was doing immediately.

  Cobra surged forward, pushing himself inside her. The sensation made her gasp. Just like that: her virginity gone. She’d thought it might be more cataclysmic. With horns or applause or something. But no. This was simply one devilish, delicious moment among many. Cobra stilled, the fat, slippery tip of his cock stretching her entrance.

  Her chest rose and fell as she listened with every inch of her body to the sensations: the tightness as he surged forward an inch; the incredible explosion of heat as he cleared the cockhead; then the miraculous bursts of pleasure as he sank down, down, down.

  Gen’s eyes fluttered shut. All the air in her lungs escaped in a whoosh.

  The feel of him—filling her—was enough to send her right over the edge. She’d used her own fingers, she’d used a vibrator, and Cobra’s hands and lips had ventured down there before. But this? This was something inexplicable. This penetrating sense of union. His flesh, buried in hers.

  Cobra’s breathing sounded ragged now. Like maybe he’d run up a few flights of stairs. Nobody had ever breathed so much, so close to her; she’d never imagined it could be a turn-on, much less so reassuring. His breath grounded her.

  He flexed his hips, finding another few inches inside her…pussy. The dirty word screeched across her mind, pushing her deeper into this unfiltered part of herself that Cobra had helped awaken. She ached for more at the same time she thought she might explode from satisfaction. How was it possible?

  She clawed at his lower back, biting her lip to keep in the moan. It felt so good. Too good. The definition of divine. A sensation that might keep her coming back for more. For the rest of her life.

  Cobra sank into her in a long, slow glide, buried to the hilt. Then he stilled, taking a few ragged breaths. He nuzzled the side of her face, as if asking if she was okay.

  “More,” she whispered. That was the understatement of the year. She wanted it so much she might break to pieces. Cobra flexed against her, rocking slightly. She rolled her lips together.

  And then he started moving. A slow, sensual rhythm that made her breasts jiggle each time he pushed himself into her. Intense, but somehow soft. Her mouth parted, the riot of heat and friction and gentleness colliding inside her, creating an electric explosion she hadn’t seen coming. Hadn’t even been able to imagine. Cobra braced himself with his palms on either side of her, his abs flexing as he pushed into her.

  There was less resistance now between her legs; he’d loosened her up to a perfect point. He slipped in and out easily, her sex slick and soft. She trailed her hands down the sides of his body, down the delightful dip of his lower back as it transitioned to his butt. She squeezed one of his butt cheeks. He drilled into her, a grunt escaping him.

  Gen arched herself toward him, and when he sank into her again it was a whole new world. Like he could reach a different part of her. A small noise escaped her. It must have affected him the same way, because he grunted again. Beads of sweat glistened on his brow in the gray morning.

  Cobra paused, running his palms over her hips, around the arc of her ass. He gripped her there and surged forward. A strangled noise leapt from her mouth, unsanctioned, unplanned. Cobra’s grin glinted devilishly in the low lighting.

  He took a healthy squeeze of her ass, and then his hand wandered between her legs. His thumb sought out the needy nub there, glancing against it gently as he pushed himself in and out. The added touch coaxed the fire between her legs to an inferno. Pushing hot and fierce against the bounds of her composure. Urging her to fall over the edge.

  She drew a choppy breath, one that betrayed the riot of pleasure building inside her. Her core tightened. When Cobra surged forward again, he pinched her swollen clit again, and all was lost.

  Gen tumbled into her orgasm, jerky and loud, a moan escaping her that Cobra tried to silence by covering her mouth with a kiss. Her pussy quaked around him, every crevice of her body filled with warm bliss and perfection. More sacred, more unifying, than anything she’d felt on Earth. The world went white and prismatic behind her lids. She arched backw
ard, totally assaulted by the waves of pleasure roiling and cascading through her.

  When she finally came down off her cloud, Cobra had stilled above her, his hips twitching between her legs. Dawn had finally broken through the window behind him, the golden light filling the sky. In his eyes, something else had broken through.

  An intimacy she’d never seen before.

  A tenderness that sawed her in two.

  She melted into the bed, chest heaving as she struggled to focus on something. Anything. But the meandering tendrils of pleasure made it so hard to come back to the real world. Cobra surged forward, his softened dick still inside her, and captured her lips in a kiss.

  And that’s when she came to. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him over and over again. Pouring her heart out through the kisses.

  This man had her heart. She couldn’t say it yet, but he had to feel it. It was evident all around them, their agreement be damned. In the kisses. In the way they’d made love. In the ways that they explored life together. In the way that life seemed to have so much more in store for them.

  Three months had been a launch pad. Cobra would see it for himself soon enough.

  Because he had to see that she’d given him the most sacred part of herself.

  Not her virginity.

  Her future.

  Chapter 32

  Life tumbled forward, an unending conveyor belt of laughter and sensual sex and so many homemade meals Cobra forgot to go to Burger King for a week straight. When he finally returned to his apartment, Klay sent him a look so ominous he might as well have been auditioning for a horror flick.

  “Was about to rent out your room.” Klay’s voice came out flat as a board.

  Cobra scoffed. “Why would you do that? I pay my fucking rent.” He didn’t break his stride to his bedroom. The door hung open in a way that suggested either Klay or Tyler had been inside there. He stood in the center of his dingy room, looking around. And that’s when he noticed it—the money bag stuffed under his mattress. Peeking out, like it had been taken out and then stuffed back.